Parenting Teenagers – Problems and Solutions

Parenting teenagers is dreaded by the majority of parents because they are aware of the changes that happen in teenagers’ behavior and how difficult it can be to handle some situations such as making sure rules are respected and maintaining an open communication.

In this article about parenting teenagers, I’ll talk about and explain the common problems parents have with their teens and will give advices for parents to help them understand their teenager and communicate more effectively in order to avoid unnecessary conflicts.

Parenting teenagers – Problems

Parenting teenagers is difficult because teens have to deal with many changes in their life on a physical and emotional level, their personality changes as well and parents can’t always see in their teen the toddler and child they raised.

Adolescence is a temporary but confusing time so in order to be good at parenting teenagers, parents have to understand the way their teenager perceive them and the reason why communication is sometimes difficult.

Below are common problems you may face with your teen and the reason why they are occuring:

• Your teenager seems to hate you! He rejects you, doesn’t listen to you. Reason: Adolescence is about your teenager’s individuality and independance. It’s a pretty self-centered period in a way but it’s perfectly normal and some teens need to reject their parents to affirm their personality.

• Your teenager is on the phone/computer constantly. Reason: Young people’s social life in our society is online! Your kid’s online social life is something you as a parent are not part of and can’t completely control which is also why teenagers seem to have their cell phone glued to their hand at times!

• Your teenager stays out late and doesn’t respect the curfew. Reason: Teenagers test limits constantly just like when they were little children. Freedom is important for them and defying their parents is also a way to say “I’m almost an adult”. Parenting teenagers is about teaching respect too and understanding the value of trust.

• Your teenager reacts very impulsively over little things, slams the door, shouts no matter what you do. Reason: What’s happening in your teenager’s life is the most important thing in his eyes and the feeling of not being understood by his parents doesn’t help. Everything is a drama and if you think your teen exaggerates, he definitely doesn’t think so!

Parenting teenagers – Solutions!

Remembering what adolescence was like will help with parenting teenagers! It’s indeed easier for parents to communicate with their teen if they can put themselves in his shoes. As this time is confusing and that teenagers have many minor personal problems and questions (that don’t seem minor to them), it’s normal that their focus isn’t on their parents/family. Keeping this in mind while parenting teenagers will help parents adopting the right attitude in order to resolve conflicts and establish a good relationship based on communication.

Here are solutions to the problems listed above:

• Your teen seems to hate you: Don’t return the rejection! Stay open to the discussion but don’t insist. Teenagers know they need their parents even if they don’t admit it. Even if your teen doesn’t say “I love you” or replies “me too” when you tell him you love him, you have nothing to worry about. Your teen loves you but is reluctant to express it. Accept it. What you need to do is make clear that you’re here for your teen no matter what and that you understand he doesn’t necessarily want to share things with you. Parenting teenagers is also about refraining our need of communication and expression of love for this period of time.

• Your teen is always on the phone/computer: Parents tend to overreact when it comes to the use of communication devices at home. If your child has good grades, still participates in house chores, there’s no reason to prevent your child from using his phone and going on the internet at home. Limits are needed but keep them reasonable. You own the home and the computer so you can decide when it’s time to turn the computer off. There’s a balance to find in the limits to set when parenting teenagers.

• Your teen doesn’t respect your curfew: Don’t hesitate to enforce the consequences if your teen abuses your trust. He needs to earn your trust. If you don’t apply the consequences, your teen will keep breaking the rules as he’ll know you don’t apply your threats. But being 10 minutes late is ok.

• Everything is a drama with your teen: Do not minimize and trivialize the things that are going on in your teen’s life. They are very important to him and your teen will feel misunderstood and will stop talking to you if you judge, minimize, give useless advices. Your role here is to make your teenager know you understand and respects what he’s going through. If he needs you, you’re there, if he doesn’t want to talk about his life, it’s fine with you too.

Parenting teenagers definitely requires patience. Being consistent in what you say and being respectful of your teen’s need for privacy will make your relationship with your teen much easier. Parents of teenagers need to make sure basic rules are respected. Your teen lives in your home so participating in house chores isn’t an option!

Parenting teenagers who are out-of-control and disrespectful

When teenagers are out-of-control, don’t respect anything their parents tell them, make their own rules and are retreating from the family, the best option for parents is to learn and apply a different, coherent and consistent parenting method.

Parenting teenagers is more difficult than parenting children because the tricks that work on children don’t work on teenagers. You can’t bluff your teen. Parents of difficult teenagers need to take actions as soon as they can to make a deep and lasting change in their relationship with their teenager and to protect their teenager from pushing the limits too far.

There are some very effective programs for parenting teenagers that have been created by some parents and family therapists, people who worked with difficult children and have developped ways to communicate effectively with teenagers.

Parenting programs also provide full support to parents and are 100% money back guaranteed. More and more parents decide to purchase and apply online parenting programs because they are as effective as live parenting programs and allow parents to learn and apply new parenting skills at their own pace.

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By Laura Kaine in Blog, Teenagers on December 29, 2011