Parenting Skills Training – Do You Need It? Are There Alternatives?

The first thing I want to tell you before analyzing whether or not you might need parenting skills training is that knowing that you need to learn parenting skills and not feeling guilty about it is a very important step. I don’t know how you feel right now about this but most parents feel anxious and guilty about the fact that they don’t know how to communicate with their children and be respected by them.

The thing is, we’re not born parents so we have to learn to be parents, not to mention that the society we live in puts a lot of hurdles on our way to a better understanding of our kids and communication with them, in my opinion at least. The need and importance to learn and apply parenting skills (via parenting skills training or not) resides in the difference between children and adults. Very simply, the way to communicate with children has to be very different than how we communicate with adults. Most parents don’t think about that. The truth is that kids have a very different perception of the world around them, of you, of the things you say or do.

Parenting skills training is like a class for parents.

What I’m going to say here about parenting skills training is of course based on my own experience as a mom and as an expert parenting writer (I can’t help it!) so I think I can bring both a subjective and objective view on parenting skills training.

Parenting skills training is a skills-building approach that teaches parents the techniques they need in order to communicate effectively with their children and handle tricky situations. My daughter June, when she was 8 (she’s 10 now) was a very difficult child and my knowledge of parenting wasn’t enough. My husband and I were pretty worried it might just get worse as she grows up. She was saying “no” all the time, throwing tantrums for no reason, it was impossible to talk to her. But, well, we didn’t know how to communicate with her differently and I thought about joining a parenting skills training group to help us out.

Let’s cut the suspense!

I actually don’t recommend parenting skills training. Actually, the techniques and communication tips they give are effective. Yes, they are. So why don’t I recommend parenting skills training? Because I didn’t like the meetings much, how the training is organized. Again, it’s just me. Having weekly meetings with other parents and learning all this without the kids around and then coming back home and having to apply these things isn’t really easy. I just didn’t feel very comfortable with the parenting skills training “format”. I think it’s mostly because your situation with your child is so unique that you sometimes don’t feel perfectly understood even if a vast range of situations are covered.

Oh and parenting skills training is pretty expensive too. I paid $320 for an 8 week course and a few weeks later, things were getting back like before and the disappointment was huge because it had cost time and money.

What is a good alternative to parenting skills training?

The reason why I don’t recommend parenting skills training is mostly because a few months later, I actually applied a very effective parenting program. Well, it worked with my daughter! I realized that now, in our modern society, parents have a lot of other options than parenting skills training and group meetings. Well, there’s internet, right?

So what I did is that I began researching some parenting programs online. You know, parenting ebooks that you can easily read and apply with full support and a refund if the program doesn’t work. These are basically all the things that were missing from the parenting skills training really. And, I was able to print pages out and read them on the subway or when I wanted.

Again, I know some parents had good results with parenting skills training but it’s just that I found much more effective programs that provided exactly what I needed:

• a better understanding of how children think and perceive the things we tell them

• communication tools that are effective immediately and in the long run

• a compassionate and helpful look on how I feel as a parent

• support during and after the reading of the program!

But what if my situation with my child is more difficult?

What I learned while applying a parenting program with my daughter June is that when a bad behavior has already become a habit in your child or teen and that you have no control or authority over him anymore, some effective guidelines have to be applied by you as soon as possible. The thing is, time is always against you and I know how much that can be stressful but in such situation, you need more than just a few tips.

The good news is that some parents and therapists created very effective parenting programs that you can easily apply like I did and you don’t need to invest more than $40 (8 times less expensive than a parenting skills training!) to solve your parenting problems and make a lasting change happen.

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By Laura Kaine in Blog, General parenting on March 9, 2011