Hitting Behavior

A child hitting his parents or other children is of course unacceptable. Before saying “no” or “stop”, it’s very important to understand what causes this behavior and then explain why it’s wrong. You can’t expect your child to know what is good or bad without you telling him.

A child who hits does not want to physically hurt you. It is just that, at one point, it’s the only response he can find. Yes, it is a way to express something, usually frustration. To be understood by your child and stop permanently your child hitting behavior, you need to choose your words very carefully. Spanking is useless. It only says “yes, it’s ok to hit”. Education is all about communication! Now let see how to react appropriately:

• Stay calm! Temper your emotions, don’t imitate your child. Always remember that what you do means “it’s ok” to your child. He takes you as a role model.

• Show the effects of hitting. Make a sad face, say “Ouch! You hurt me! Yes you did, it does hurt when you hit me.” Your child needs to understand this and feel compassion for you at that moment. Tell him that you don’t hit the people you love and that’s why you don’t hurt him physically. Never.

• Ask why he hit you. You’ll see that the reason may be hunger or just that he’s tired or because of a sudden change. For example if you told him it was time to leave the park without warning him before, or changed your mind about something. Details for you, not for him! Your child will be willing to answer why he hit you because you’re calm and just look shocked by his behavior and vulnerable too.

• Now that you know the reason why, tell him that there are other ways to express his feelings. Yes anger is normal, frustration too. You, as a parent, feel these feelings too. But you express them with words. And that’s what he can do too. Show him an example. Tell him “Instead of hitting me, you could have told me: ‘Mummy, I want to stay 10 minutes more at the park. I don’t want to leave right now’. That way we can discuss, you see?”

• If it happens again, don’t hesitate to punish your child. It’s important that if you said “no” once, you stay firm about this and always explain and punish your child hitting behavior if he does not stop. Tell him to stay in his room 20 minutes. Wait 20 minutes and go tell him his punishment is over and ask him if he understands why he was punished. Then say “I love you”! Yes children often mistake punishment with a lack of love.

A child hitting behavior has to be taken very seriously. Your reaction to this situation is more important than you may think. You settle in your child’s mind that a violent behavior is not tolerable. If you do nothing, you child might become a teen who still thinks it’s normal to hit. No one wants that.

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