Behavior Problems In Children

In this article about behavior problems in children, I’m going to share with you how to approach these problems and understand them, give you advices on what to change in your own parenting behavior and finally how to deal with behavior problems in children that are anchored and hard to stop.

Defining Behavior Problems In Children

A great number of parents face behavior problems in children at some point. What is important to do in order to take appropriate actions is to define what these behavior problems in children really are and what causes them. Basically, parents can and should ask themselves the 3 following questions:

• Do these behavior problems only occur at home (or a specific environment) and not somewhere else?
• Are these problems more and more frequent?
• Do these behavior problems only happen when my child is with me and not with someone else (other parent, relative…)

Getting answers to these questions is important in order to fully understand what the causes of behavior problems in children are and how to solve them. You’ll be able to determine whether the cause seem to come from outside home or directly related to you, ect. Behavior problems in children can be quickly solved or can take some time and a new parenting “strategy”.

Needless to say that the quickest way to solve behavior problems in children is by understanding them and not interpret children’s bad behavior in a too literal way (a child who hits doesn’t want to hurt, a teenager who steals won’t become a thief,…)

Role of parents in behavior problems in children

It’s important to keep in mind that behavior problems in children are expressions of something that is missing, a need that isn’t met, something in the communication with their parents that isn’t fully understood or expressed.

Parents who are facing behavior problems in children need to accept that they are the ones who have the key to a change in their children’s behavior. Parenting is a simple scheme:

Parents act/react/talk -> Children observe/imitate/learn

Most of the things that our children learn are things we didn’t teach on purpose. That’s why parents need to understand that it’s only by changing their own behavior that they can put an end to common behavior problems in children.

The one thing that parents often miss is the need for children to have things explained to them and important matters talked about. Behavior problems in children often have a more simple reason than parents suspect. For instance, if a child throws a tantrum everytime he accompanies his mom to the doctor, there’s a reason. The reason is very probably that his mother didn’t explained to him why she was going to the doctor, that she was just going there for a check up for instance and that she was glad to go there with him because when he doesn’t throw a tantrum, it makes her very happy and proud to be with such a nice little boy!

This example shows how these behavior problems in children can simply come from abstract fears, a need to be reassured, ect. Children want us to be happy but their perception of the world around them is very different from ours that’s why things need to be explained in a very simple and clear way in order to avoid misunderstandings. Explain to your child what behavior you expect from him and emphasize the importance in your eyes of a good behavior.

To put it more simply, the ways to prevent behavior problems in children from happening are the following:

• Your child doesn’t know what you know: explain things (situations, decisions, punishments, where you’re going, why you’re angry or look sad, ect.)
• Express your feelings. If a child breaks things out of anger it’s because no one showed him how to express his feelings with words.
• Reassure your child at all times. It’s obvious for you that you love your child no matter what. Children don’t know that and they doubt our love for them anytime we have to punish them. Make clear that you punish your child’s actions but you still love him no matter what. Insecurity is often a cause of behavior problems in children.

Children’s behaviors are consequences of ours. Behavior problems in children come from a problem in the parent-child communication.

What if the behavior problems in children are more serious and anchored?

When a bad behavior has already become a habit in your child and that you have no control or authority over him anymore, different and effective parenting techniques have to be applied by you as soon as possible as you need more than just a few tips. The good news is that some parents and therapists have created very effective parenting programs that you can easily apply.

Parenting programs are complete step-by-step guides that are effective even  on very difficult children because they help parents being consistent as they apply new parenting techniques. These parenting programs give precious parenting keys to parents. All the behavior problems in children can be solved. With consistency and the right communication skills, any situation can be improved, no matter how hopeless it seems to you at the moment, I can assure you that.

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By Laura Kaine in Blog, Children on October 29, 2011